Wednesday, July 23, 2014


So, what do you think?

I don't really know what to think.

Which way are you leaning?

If I tell you, you'll pressure me into a decision--the decision that you want.

Yes, I probably will.

What do you think?

Well, my mind is made up. I'm not having difficulty with it, but then, in a way, you are closer to it than I am.

In a way? In a way?

You know what I mean.

No, let me explain exactly how I am definitely closer to this than you, and how this has a very different impact on me. Let's face it, we screwed up big time and at least for nearly the next year, my life will be affected while yours basically stays the same. Outside of a fleeting thought or occasional guilt, you can escape this. You can continue on with your days with hardly a falter in your step. I, however, live with this. Can't you see? Either way, no matter what the decision, this doesn't go away for me, ever. I live with it whether I'm with it or without it -- everyday until I die.

But you don't have...

Oh, don't you dare say that! It's not a choice--it happens to me, I don't happen to it. And either way, if you should turn away and close the door, I'm left alone with it on the inside and on the outside.

But I wouldn't do that to you.

I believe you, today. Today you wouldn't do that to me, and maybe not tomorrow, and maybe not next week. But what about in seven months when I'm crashing from the guilt and the hurt? Or what if I'm cranky and as big as the moon with puffy eyes and an extra chin? Frankly, I don't know you well enough yet to know that you'll be here.

Let's face it - if you don't keep it, we are both free to go our own ways.

Stop. Did you just hear yourself? You said, "If you don't keep it..." What would have made me feel like we're a real couple is if you'd said if we don't keep it, or if we do keep it. I thought you were more invested in our relationship than just a thirty-second thrust.

I'm going to very honest. Deep down, I feel we should get rid of it and here are my reasons: We aren't finished with school yet, and the amount of money we make barely supports us, not to mention one more; I haven't done a lot of the things I'd hoped to do before this; our parents will go crazy. They don't even know we are serious--they haven't even met yet; I want to travel, see the world, to learn to parachute, and study in Paris. Besides, based on what I've read, so far it's just tissue anyway.

Tissue? I don't now, nor have I ever, viewed it as just tissue. Does tissue have a heartbeat? Does tissue suck its thumb? Honestly, I'm glad we're having this discussion now, though I wish we'd had it before we started sleeping together. I can't talk about this anymore. In fact, I don't want to see you for a while.

No! Come on now! Don't be like that. I'm just...

Don't. Stop. Collect your things and go.

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